I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
