I wish my penis had an off switch
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize