he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
