so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
