I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
