I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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