i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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