i would punch a child for taco bell
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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