dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
