my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
