I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
