theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
