is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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