Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
