professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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