Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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