Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
