the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
