he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
