Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
