I just threw up on my dentist
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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