1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think my tv is drunk
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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