he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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