My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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