just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
