I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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