$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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