they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
