Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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