there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
