when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
