you traded sex for a burrito?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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