happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize