how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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