I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
