I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
