yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
