I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sex in a hospital.. check
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
