Someone shit on the floor
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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