I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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