Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
