I'm jealous of your bromance
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
