I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
