Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
