We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My vagina just clenched in fear
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
