when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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