I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
