please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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