he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
