I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
