No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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