drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize