This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
