I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
