On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
