Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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