why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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