well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
