You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
