Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
