if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize