so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
