textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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