Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
