I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
