Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
