I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
