i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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