i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize